The forms.


‘Hey, Mick. Did Danny get the forms?’

‘Which forms?’

‘The mandatory ones?’

‘Eh…I’ll ask him.’

I rang Danny and he said: ‘What forms?’

‘The mandatory ones?’

‘What the fuck does that mean?

‘I’ll get back to ya.’

Later, I asked: ‘Can you clarify “Mandatory”?’

‘They’re a requirement by the regulator.’

‘And what do they look like?’

‘The forms?’


‘They look like forms.’

‘Ok, I don’t think he got them.’

‘Why not?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Can you ask him?’

‘I did.’

‘And did he say?’

‘He said he never got them.’

‘That’s terrible. Why not?’

‘I don’t know. Is it possible they weren’t sent?’

‘No. Impossible. They’re mandatory. Can you ask him to check?’

I rang Danny, asked him to check. He said: ‘I don’t even know what the fuck I’m looking for.’

‘I’ll get back to ya.’

Later, I said: ‘No, he doesn’t have them.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Positive. He checked everywhere.’

‘That’s bizarre. They’re important forms. It’s also unacceptable.’

‘What is?’

‘Unacceptable that’s he’s not using them.’

‘But he never got them.’

‘He should have.’

‘And yet here we are.’

‘This could lead to a disciplinary.’

‘For who?’



‘Because he’s not following procedure.’

‘Which procedure is that?’

‘He’s not using the forms.’

‘The ones he never got?’



‘Maybe we could send them again?’

‘I don’t know. I think we need to talk to HR.’

‘About what?’

‘The forms.’

Later, with Danny, he said: ‘HR rang me.’

‘About what?’


‘What did you tell them?’

‘That I didn’t know what the fuck they were on about.’

‘And what they say?’

‘They’re bringing me up for disciplinary.’

‘Why, about the forms?’

‘No. Impolite language. “Unprofessional” they called it.’

‘When are they having you up?’

‘Said they’d send out a letter.’

Week later, Danny rang, said: ‘I got the forms.’


‘They came in the post this morning.’

‘Great. Belt away and start using them.’

Then the office rang, asked: ‘Where’s Danny?’

‘He’s working. He got the forms.’

‘He’s supposed to be here.’


‘Here. We’re at the disciplinary meeting.’

‘Oh, did you let him know it’s on?’

‘Yes. We posted him out the appointment.’

‘I don’t think he got it.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Cos he would have said.’

‘This is unacceptable. First the forms, and now this?’

‘He got the forms.’

‘That’s not the point.’

‘It’s not?’

‘No. We need to talk to HR.’

‘I thought we did that.’

‘Can you ask Danny to come in tomorrow, for a meeting?’

‘Ok, I’ll get back to ya.’

‘He really needs to control his language.’

I rang Danny, said: ‘They want you up for a meeting tomorrow.’


‘Bad language.’

‘Tell them to go fuck themselves.’

Later, the office asked: ‘What did Danny say?’

‘I don’t know, I couldn’t get through. I’ll try again later.’






El Nino Cover-1



El Niño by Mick Donnellan Now available on Kindle –